One of the Filipino traditions that is still practiced until this modern day is the “Pamamanhikan”, from the word “panik” which means to ascend or to climb a house’s flight of stairs. Here’s some advice that a father gave to his son about marriage: 1. Ultimately the daughter and the future fiancee both know that they don't need the parents' approval, it's about maintaining relationships. Well, heck, father is optional too. We’re super close. For some context, I’ve been dating my girlfriend since we were 14 and were now 23. If you’re planning a marriage proposal, it’s natural to be unsure about how to ask for her father’s blessing.While this tradition can be nerve-wracking, it doesn’t have to be. Will he be armed? If he’s more traditional and rough around the edges, it’s probably best to pose it as a question. If you get along, great! you did not ask his permission and then hers, you just asked his, and if he thought it was a good move he would give his daughter to you. If I were her, I would be royally pissed that you went to my parents first, and as a father, I would think any boy an idiot and an asshole if he talked to me about it before asking my daughter. Not doing it all because of what you happen to think about the practice says is just kind of rude. Part of the problem is trying to understand a father’s role in his daughter’s pursuit of marriage. Will he be armed? This involves more than a quick “Oh by the way, can I marry your daughter” during halftime. What is more important to you, her feelings or those of her parents? When it comes to asking your father, mother, or both of your parents, it all depends on the relationship. I have asked her what her parents would think, should we get engaged. Asking the father's permission to marry his daughter is hopelessly outdated yet remains an absolute essential part of the rituals of marriage, says Rupert Uloth. How Contact with Grown Children Affects Parents’ Mood. Cookies help us deliver our Services. After all, I wanted my proposal to be a surprise, and if she had any idea I had talked with her father it was game over. (r/AskReddit) - … The old rule goes all the way to a time when marriage was up to the bride’s family, not so much the bride herself. In this situation you need to ask him like a man. How do I ask a Filipino father to marry his daughter? Trust your daughter’s ability to make a good choice and graciously bless them if you can. In another day and age, you might have asked if he was financially able to support her, but today, it is likely that a couple will need two incomes. I know it is common, but i know she will like it. And if she has brothers should I ask if there ok with it as well? Here’s one and here’s another. If you want to marry my daughter, you bloody well ought to be able to pay for her, was the thinking. I would never do that because I find it stupid. I've heard that you want to do it over drinks, but we don't drink. Just wondering if guys do this any more. It's "Rude (The Dad's Side of the Story)." When popping the question to her father, steer clear of praising his daughter’s physical attributes and stick to how smart, kind and loving she is. Do you have to ask father to marry daughter? Who doesn’t want to be daddy’s girl? Ah, in-laws. It’s a straightforward question that begs a straightforward answer. Whilst it’s not exactly a fork in the road, what you do during this time could dictate how smooth the future path is for everybody. Get personal. It would have demonstrated to me that he had no concern for the things that are meaningful and/or important to my family. CajunJoy65 November 7, 2017, 2:08pm #1. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Don't be meek, be resolute and bold, look him in the eye as an equal, use a … you did not ask his permission and then hers, you just asked his, and if he thought it was a good move he would give his daughter to you. by Patricia. Try to meet him before you ask. Apr 26, 2020 - Asking permission to marry? This, and presenting an engagement ring and having your father give you away on your wedding day. Have You Asked The Father Of Your Girlfriend To Marry Her And He Said No? Her parents live about 400 miles away and I have been in the mindset that you ask the parents for permission. You are only asking the family for permission if that is important to her. One more thing, ask your mother how she would have liked to be asked from her parents. Had he said no, I still would have married her. It would have said to me that he cared more about what he thinks and believes than keeping a good relationship with my dad and mom, thus allowing me to keep a good relationship with my parents. Even recently, an Old Wykehamist friend was advised by his intended to turn up with his bank statements for her father to scrutinise. Your future son-in-law could be arriving anytime to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage, and you need to be sure before you give your blessing. May I Marry Your Daughter? In this way you will be able to learn many things that will help you propose marriage to the girl you love. When you marry your partner, whether you like it or not, sometimes you end up spending extended time with their family. I have a big house. But it’s polite to ask … Ask for a blessing, permission kind of signifies ownership in a way. If they’re conservative they’ll adore you for asking, if they’re progressive, they might tease you a little lightheartedly, but either way, it’s a sign you’re a good egg that wants to have an open line of communication with your in-laws. Do you have to ask the father to marry his daughter? I just want to do this right, as it’s a once in a lifetime event. I mean, considering 1) my dad has been dead and 2) I'm a lesbian... r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. Tell them that you want to spend your life with her. I know my dad was pretty butthurt that my now-husband didn't ask his permission, but I would've been really pissed if he did. Never occurred to me to even ask. As the bard said, "as if increase of appetite had grown by what it fed on", so is my love for your daughter. But in order to justify marriage, you have to express your undying commitment to their daughter. The way I see it, talking to the girl's father says "I know you care a lot about your daughter; I understand that and also care a lot about her. Oh, I’m sure there’s a hearty contingent on the woke left who decry this as sexist, demeaning and white privileged, but as with all traditions, they have sentimental and lasting value for all those who don’t feel compelled to see sinister motives in everything older than 5 minutes ago. He only wanted to be friendly, but Shulman assumed he was going to ask for his daughter Nicola's hand. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. She's been coming around for about 5 or 6 yrs. The two of us (myself and FIL) have always had a good relationship and he was happy I was with his daughter so there was little doubt he would say yes. Posted May 24, 2017 If you are already living with your girlfriend, it seems rather quaint to ask her father's permission to marry her. First question is are you asking for permission or a blessing? If it’s possible, try to meet your girlfriend’s parents a few times before you decide you want to marry … Asking your partner’s father for permission to marry no longer carries the significance it used to be years ago. Proposals are getting more creative, and the same goes for asking her dad for his blessing. How do I ask a Filipino father to marry his daughter? What questions should you ask a young man who wants to marry your daughter? This totally matters, in my culture it would be expected that after we discuss marriage, you go to my parents and ask for their blessing, not for literal permission, but really to indicate that you’re interested in an open line of communication with your in laws. Tell him that you’ll always honor, respect, and cherish his daughter. my husband asked my dad and honestly I would have been pretty disappointed if he didn't. 15:25 . I did ask for his daughters hand and he said yes. But as a father, you are having second thoughts about the man she's going to marry. Looking to ask my girlfriend to marry me in the near future. Complimenting his daughter reflects favourably on how she was raised, which is a compliment for dad as well. Do i need to ask my girlfriends dad for permission to marry his daughter? Facebook Share on twitter. But it’s polite to ask if she’s close to her parents. Obviously it is 2020 so they clearly know that even if they say “No don’t marry our daughter” it’s likely that if you’ve been dating a while you’ll probably marry her anyway. As far as I know, your state laws do not require parental permission if she is over 18. Obviously it is 2020 so they clearly know that even if they say “No don’t marry our daughter” it’s likely that if you’ve been dating a while you’ll probably marry her anyway. There are plenty of those, and if that is what you are dealing with, don’t bother. By gq.co m She says she has found the man of her dreams, and is ready to take the plunge. Answer Save. Also, as the parents of the bride, some/most of the expense of the wedding is (traditionally/culturally) expected to come out of their bank account, and that’s something that needs to be discussed before diving in to the whole post-proposal flurry of wedding planning thing. Agree with this - highly dependent upon where you are from and the sub culture of that particular family and even the personality of that particular girl. Listen as Dr. Greg Smalley discusses this topic: Asking the Right … If you aren't absolutely certain that she would like that, I would clarify it with her first. Being her father, I am convinced the gentlemanly course is to first attain your blessing of the union. Ask for His Advice . Your daughter means the world to me, and I hope to spend the rest of my life proving that to her. Or in the case of this post from Reddit’s AITA, future in-laws. When popping the question to her father, steer clear of praising his daughter’s physical attributes and stick to how smart, kind and loving she is. The author Edward St Aubyn asked his then girlfriend's father, the theatre critic Milton Shulman, to lunch at White's. For the purpose of my answer, I am going to assume the girlfriend’s dad is not a complete waste of skin. My advice is to focus on her feelings first and always. I know him pretty well, as she and I have grown up together - we both turned 18 a couple weeks ago. 2. A boyfriend goes to his girlfriend's father to ask for her hand in marriage. Regardless of family dynamics, the implications of asking a father for his blessing to marry his daughter is just too off-putting for some. 7 Questions Parents Should Ask the Man who Wants to Marry Their Daughter: 1. Asking for a blessing at this point seems....strange? Asking a father's permission to marry his daughter Are there any rules of etiquette or traditions or customs a man should follow when asking a father’s permission to marry his daughter? I think it's respectful and important to the relationship if it's something the dad would appreciate. 34 plus years ago hubby had to ask my Mom cause my Dad wasn’t home. 34 Answers. If you google “Questions a father should ask the man who wants to marry his daughter,” you’ll find some. He should be applauded for the respect he showed. If you ask the woman and it's a 'yes', then ask the father for his blessing before making it public, that's respectful I think. It's her decision, not her father's. The father says no, and the boy calls him rude. I have bought a ring and I am ready to propose. her parents are very nice people and i know they like me . You would think asking a father for his daughter's hand in marriage would be all about the dad. Okay so I'm nervous as hell. We don't live far from her parents, they just don't know me that well. Marriage 18 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married Some of them aren't fun to think about, but they're crucial to know. Choose your words wisely. - r/AskReddit Top Posts | Reddit Stories Try Like & Subscribe Button if it still works! In fact, 70 percent of proposers ask for parental permission to marry … That's what I'd go with. You love your daughter–but that doesn’t mean you always know the most effective ways to show that love, ways that will connect with her heart, and stick with her no matter what life throws her way.. This is 2020 you don’t need to ask anyone but her”. If it’s possible, try to meet your girlfriend’s parents a few times before you decide you want to marry her. Tell him you love and respect his daughter. There are some really good questions out there to ask, and things to consider. Worth it because he approved t close with her first asked my dad wasn t. Can help you propose marriage to the girl you love right way way, I... Complete waste of skin assume the girlfriend ’ s a touch outdated, but Shulman assumed he was to. American society to lunch at White 's [ Sorry if I am scared of him saying no their marriage how! She and I have grown up together - we both turned 18 a couple how to ask father to marry daughter reddit.. 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